Pv=1/3Nm(c^2)

I'm slack at blogging. I don't think I have anything profound to say today either, so skip this if you're looking for something epiphany-like.

Last exam until June is on Wednesday. Which is nice. And I'm going out on Thursday with a bunch of people from work to get utterly drunk and slip into my dancing shoes. Just as a means of celebration, of course. I haven't drunk properly in so long that I don't really like the feeling of being drunk anymore. Lame isn't it? I'm not even legal yet.

Ahh thinking of stuff to write takes up so much time I can't be bothered, and I need to go and revise quantum phenomena. yeah!

"Stop the bus!
I wanna be lonely-
when seconds pass slowly;
and years go flying by"

Trouble in Paradise

I generally have trouble making friends. For the following reasons:
I have high standards, and I'm extremely picky about who I'm friends with. Also, I tend not to be myself when I'm around people I don't really know, and so it's kind of a spiral of decline type thing.

When I began taking my A levels, I made an extremely good friend. She is probably the best friend I've ever had- I can be myself around her, we have common interests (in the least superficial ways), we've never really argued/fallen out, I trust her, and for once I had found someone who was completely on my wavelength. We were so close that up until a couple of months ago we were talking about going to the same uni and living together. For simplicity, I'll call her 'A'. (For previous readers, she's the one that ditched our year away together...)

However, now things feel like they're not really going too well. I don't know if this is because we've both had exams recently or something, but I just don't really feel like she's a close friend, let alone my best friend. We used to see each other out of school together, and go for a drink and a long talk (just the two of us) like every week- but this hasn't happened for about a month. And yesterday I spoke to her for about 5 minutes throughout the whole day and all she had to say was "Have you aplied for your year out yet?" "No." "Everyone goes to Australia, it's an easy option really isn't it? Not really much of a challenge."

Bite me.

Now, I have this other friend, M (that isn't her actual name, obviously), whom I see outside of school a fair bit. Perhaps moreso than A, but this is mainly due to the fact that she lives near me and A spends a lot of time with her boyfriend. I don't know whether the folowing is a result of me being over-sensitive and over analysing things, but I sometimes feel that she's resentful towards mine and A's friendship, because she was never really as close to either of us as we were to each other. And sometimes the things she says to me could easily be taken in a way that makes me think she is kinda happy that we aren't great friends at the moment. Like lunchtime today, they spent the entire lunch time talking to each other about this show or some shit they're going to see together next week. And I was just kinda "hmm hi, I am here you know".

So anyway, I don't really know what's going to happen from here. I don't want to drift apart from her, I've seen it happen so much recently and it's pretty difficult to rekindle friendship once the drifting has occured. But then I'm far too stubborn to talk to her about it, and what if it is just me being stupid?

Blahhhhh I think I think about things too much. And I just noticed evertime I mention the crumbling friendship I've put it in past tense. Oh dear.

This thread is meaningless to anyone that doesn't know me. Which is all of you, because I deliberately don't stamp my name and photograph here. So I apologise.

heh... IT'S NOT TRUE!

emo. 28-33 scene points. you go to shows and act
pretentious, but that's the way we like you.

how many scene points do you have?

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me

Does there comes a point where all the hurt that's caused by being that close to someone, and ultimately having that taken away from you, outweighs the good? Most people would probably say (without thinking about it too much) that of course the bad can never outweigh the feeling of true love (pfft), regardless of how much you've been hurt. But if you stop and think about it (and I mean really think about it)... Does this actually make any sense? I know I'm completely contradicting a lot of other things I've said, and I don't believe (or perhaps it's just what I'd like to believe) that love comes with any obligation to being hurt, but it's a sad fact that more often than not, it does. When it does, don't we all end up wondering if it was worth the bother? Letting someone be that close to you is making yourself incredibly vulnerable, and it really is setting yourself up to be hurt... knowing that the chances are, it won't last. Do people enter every relationship with the ignorance/blind hope that this one will last forever, or are people genuinely optimistic enough to believe that even if it does hurt, it'll be worth it? Do you only go on a second date if you think that he might just be the one, and turn it down if you have the slightest inkling he isn't?

I'm the type of person that has a tendency towards over-analysing things, and I often think that people mean more to me than I mean to them. Maybe it's for this reason that I'd count myself lucky in that I think, for me, the good outweighs the bad. But this is only due to one person. And when I look back, I realise that I probably over estimated what a lot of it meant for him. But I somehow still feel comforted by the memory of feeling like that, gives me something to look for I guess... it's given me a little piece of goodness to keep inside me forever, and whenever I'm feeling unhappy about myself, or hurt by someone, it makes me smile inside.

The best revenge* is to move on and be happy, but this is the part that never really works for me.

*I don't like this word because I feel like it somehow implies that I'm really superficial, but I don't believe that it should ever be about getting one over on someone.

Today feels weird and surreal, somehow. I think it's because it's 2am and I spent the entire evening from about 4pm until midnight sleeping. Meh... and I have to be up in a few hours for work. Which, by the way, sucks. I quit my other job because I had too many hours and needed to study more, and now I only have 8 hours a week... fucking fuck. Sod's law is the worst law ever. I much prefer Newton's.

Or maybe it's karma. I called in sick last week because I needed to revise for my exams, saying I had flu, and now I actually do have it.

Reading over what I just wrote, my sentence structure is poor. I think I misuse commas and full stops a lot. And I bracket things which should be between commas. Probably. I don't really care.

On a side note, I would like to report that whoever writes (journalists?) AOL's entertainment news SUCKS. Geez, I could write better than whoever writes this shit, and I only have GCSE English coughgradeAcough.

First paragraph: Blond singer Charlie Simpson told his fans "I have quit Busted" - but added that it had been an amazing three years.

Fourth paragraph: With his two band mates, Matt Jay and James Bourne, both 21, sitting on either side of him at a press conference in central London, he confirmed: "I have quit Busted."

Last paragraph: Busted shot to fame in September 2002 with the single What I Go To School For.

Who fancies a game of 'Spot The Shitty Writing'?

[Nelly Furtado, Forca]

My blog is becoming pathetic

...A pathetic babble of crap. And this post will be no different.
Today sucked, my exam yesterday pretty much sucked, the only good thing that happened was going to the pub with my friends, and I had a nice laugh.

Hence forth of this point, I am boycotting this blog until I have something decent and pointful to say.

So until then, I bid you adu.

Eternity? No thanks.

The Others is one of those films that you never bother to buy on video/DVD because once you know the ending, watching the beginning is never as enjoyable. This was my epiphany of Wednesday the 12th January 2005. Don't get me wrong, it's a good film, but only the first time through.
It made me hope to God (ironic?) that there is no sort of after-life. Some people (myself included) find it hard to deal with the thought of an ending. An ending to existance. Maybe it's one of those trick question type things- "how can you be aware of something existance if you've never had an experience of it?" I guess that it's kinda the same, it's impossible to be aware of non existance. But then that raises the question of, why should it bother us? When we're dead we won't be aware of this so it won't cause any pain, not to us at least.
But eternity? How utterly boring would that be? However it was spent... in the same place but only as an entity, or some other holy place. Even if it was heaven with angels feeding you cheese spread all day, surely it'd get a bit boring after a while?

Meh... I don't really know what I'm going on about. I want a cup of tea.

Hands up who wants to die

I'm going to have a crazy tree hugging rant for the next few minutes. If you're a fat greedy American you might want to turn a blind eye. After all, you're good at that kind of thing.

I was just watching a documentary type thing about Americans and their fat cars and how stupid they are. They interviewed this one DJ type loser, called MC Phat Cat (might wanna lose the p in that, pie face). And he was going on about how his Cadallac was super cool because it consumed so much oil. Which of course must mean it's good. Shut up, fatty. The reason he's so fucking fat is because he's sitting on his car in the middle of the day drinking beer. Maybe he should try moving his fat ass to somewhere other than Macdonalds and he might lose enough weight to be able to see his own dick.
When asked what he thinks about global warming, one of his other fat friends smoking some loser shit butted in to say "It's already too late. We might aswell just carry on as we are." To which MC FatAss added, "Yeah, then they charge us money to go see a movie about how we're gonna die in the future. In some ice age or sum't". [Presumably talking about The Day After Tomorrow.] Fucking cunts. I seriously wonder if some people have some sort of stupid-barrier in front of any logical part of their brain.
Americans own over 200 million cars. That's 40% of the world's cars in one nation. Another woman they interviewed had 3 SUV's. To (roughly) quote her "Our nephew just turned 16, and his dad recently died, so we bought him an SUV for his 16th birthday". I don't believe I've ever seen anyone more correctly demonstate how materialistic the Western world can be. One of these cars had a climate control system in it to adequately air condition a 1500 square foot house.
IN A CAR.
DO YOU REALLY NEED THAT?!

Even the chairman of an oil company said "There are a few scientists who believe that global warming is nothing to worry about". His argument was that some scientists had told him that global warming might actually be a good thing. That plant life thrives on Co2, and outputs will increase. But that wasn't the only good thing! The only increase in temperatures will be experienced in the Sahara desert and other similar places. You're a fuckwit. Firstly, there's already FIRM evidence which shows that temperatures are rising NOW. And not in the desert. Here. Secondly, how much did you pay that scientist to say that? Thirdly, you don't deserve to be called a scientist, only a fuck face.

In the last 80 years, the fuel efficiency of Ford vehicles has decreased by more than a half. What happened to development? By far my favourite quote was from this butt-ugly loser who wanted to say "C'mon Bush, we own Iraq, why are we still paying $3 a gallon, give it to me for 10 cents!" That was because his new SUV losercar only got about 4 miles to the gallon.

I could quite easily shoot these people in the face and feel no guilt at all.

Fucking fucks. This makes me mad to no end. Maybe it's because I've grown up without any sort of vehicle, but I have no dependence on motor vehicles what so ever. I bike everywhere. And do you know what? I'm not fat either. Coincidence? Probably not.

The USA is the most polluting country in the world. And what with Bush's (arrogant) refusal to sign the Kyoto agreement, the planets future isn't looking good. Actually, it's looking bad. And worse than that. This isn't even just a rant, it's something that is hugely personal to me. I believe incredibly strongly in the Christian idea of stewardship (minus all the God stuff, I'm not Christian). The planet is not ours to exploit, or use in any way we want to. It makes me sad to think that my generation is the last that will enjoy the planet in any sort of state that is pleasurable. And my view goes as far as to make me promise to myself I won't have children, because I honestly don't think it's fair to bring people into a world which is in such as mess as this one is.

Show me some of them Spanish dances

You know when you're listening to a song and your insides feel like they're about to burst because you need to scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs? When you're so totally consumed by the greatness of a song, that everything else ceases to exist (I find this works especially well with eyes shut).... Yes? Well you better had, because otherwise I ban you from my blog forever more. Anywho, I got a bad case of this today and it made my day. I'm the girl you see sitting in the library dancing in her seat and accidently singing aloud without noticing.

How I love when that happens....

[Counting Crows - Mr Jones]

In other news, apparently...

I'm worth $2,493,400.76! How much are you worth?

And today I realised that I SUCK AT MATHS.
You see, v^2 = u^2 + 2as, and I kept calculating v^2 = u^2 + 2 (as). And I made the same mistake 4 times. What a dipshit. They teach that stuff to 13 year olds.

Sunday = poo day

So I was right about the ex boyfriend thing. He said he'd be home in an hour if I wanted to call him. I politely declined because I knew he was driving home from his girlfriends house, and the thought of him with someone else still makes me feel sick.

It's so wrong that I even contemplate running to him whenever things go bad. I shouldn't still be in this place where he's the only person who knows me well enough to understand why I'm crying. We don't even really speak anymore. I haven't moved on from anything since we broke up, and that was in May. It's such a cliche that time heals- and to a certain extent this is right. Everything I ever felt for him still exists, but it's dulled and it's lost it's edge. I'm starting to forget how it felt to love him and need him, but I can't shake the feeling of still being the same person I was then. Things have gotten better, things have changed- but it always falls apart and I always end up back here.

I was digging through some photos the other day, and I came across a photo of someone who used to mean a hell of a lot to me. The photo had a date on it 17/7/01. That's 3 and a half years ago. 3 and a half years. It might not seem that long, but considering that it accounts for about a fifth of my life, it is a fairly long time. During this time, I can honestly say I've done nothing significant. I've taken a few exams, got some slightly-above-average grades which only really reflect the fact that I'm not doing half as well as I should be. I've given up playing the piano. I've been screwed over by some so-called-friends. I've been screwed over by falling for the wrong people.

blahhh I'll add to this later, I'm going for a coffee with my friends.

[Foo Fighters- Generator]

So much for friends cheering me up... my "best friend" cancelled and didn't even bother to tell me, so we went to her house only to hear her go on about how she can't afford to go out because she's saving up for her gap year where she's going to Nepal to help some poor little kids or some shit.
I hate this fucked up middle classed fashion of flying to the other side of the world to help someone less fortunate than themselves. Yes, I know that it's a good thing to happen, even if it is for selfish reasons. But it pisses me off to no end.
You aren't being selfless. You aren't doing it to help someone else. You're helping yourself. And you can't buy your way into heaven.
So she's all like "oooh I'm gonna go and help some poor kids learn English because I'm such a fucking wonderful person blah blah blllaaahhh and my aunty's building a hospital in a poor country to help sick people". And I'm starting to wonder if she's just trying to make me feel bad. I don't really care about people. I'm not a people person. I'd rather help some sick animals or something. They aren't fucked in the head like most people. She knows I feel like this. She knows I'd rather go somewhere where they speak my language, and have running water and electricity. Don't try to make me feel bad about who I am. A least I'm honest.

And yes, part of the reason I'm pissed off is because she ditched our plan to go away together for a year.
"I'm reading The Diary of Anne Frank and it's made me realise I need go to Nepal. Without you." Oh do fuck off.

Fucking fucks.

Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.

Yup, I'm in a bad mood. I got my period today, that's probably why.

In the year 2005 I resolve to: Stop refreshing this page until I get the answer I want. Get your resolution here

Return of some angsty shit

Here's hoping to some kind of talking therpy.

I've just spent the entire evening sat in my bedroom by myself feeling incredibly miserable, crying, and (yay) return of the cigarettes.
The reason being a certain message left by a certain boy for someone other than me. Which, technically, I have no reason to be upset about, but being stupidly over-sensitive turned it into a spiral of declining thoughts about all things that make me sad.

Not really helping the general down feeling which has followed me around for the last 3 days or so, are the shitty situations at home. My sister has been clinically depressed for the last 7 or so years, and during this time has probably consumed enough anti depressants to fill a small hall. After coming a hell of a long way, and being so close to coming off her medication she's started to go backwards. Aside from the fact that she's my sister and it's horrible to see her cry, it's worrying the shit out of me. She's taken an overdose about 4 times, each resulting in suicide notes, ambulances, stomach pumping and all the things that follow.
So I'm pretty much scared to leave her on her own, I can't sleep at night because I'm scared that in the room next to me she might've slipped in a couple of packets of paracetamol and her body is slowly closing down while she's laying in her bed crying, and I feel so incredibly helpless. There is nothing I can really do. Except give her hugs, and I know that hugging isn't always a great cure; it just makes the tears flow more easily. I don't feel that 'talking' to her is anything that'll help. Her reasons for feeling like this are fucked up. Maybe I'm being selfish, and it's because I myself don't want to talk about it. But I'm no Freud (even though I believe he was a stupid fucktard anyway) and my psychotheraphy abilities are limited.

I've also spent the whole day with my head stuck in a physics book (with a less than average amount of procrastinating) revising for my exam on Wednesday.
What did I learn today? That I know nothing, and I probably won't even pass my exam, let alone get a B or above which I need to stand any chance of passing in the summer.

I've generally had enough of feeling shitty, for no plausable reason. I've had eough of feeling needy when there's no one to need because I'm also feeling prety lonely (which incidently, I've also had enough of). And this isn't like a "oh, no one understands me, I'm such a misfit etc etc" moan. I have (some) friends (I'm rather picky when it comes to who I'm friends with) but I don't feel comfortable talking about most things. Yet I'm telling who ever is reading this. How ironic.
And I'm fucked off because I know that at some point this evening I'm going to text the dreaded ex boyfriend and end up crying to him down the phone because it's what I always do when I feel low. Maybe it's an association thing.

Religion. Maybe. Make up your own mind.

This was supposed to be a blog to record good thoughts and such. And I did have some good thoughts today, but I don't know if I cant be bothered to type them all out in full, so instead I will leave you with a list of events which bought about said thought and you can use your own imagination.

I visited a cathedral on my way home from town (which disapointingly didn't have a collection box for the tsunami disaster) (and while we're on that point, I was reading the comments book in the cathedral and someone had written "pray for the tsunami people". 'tsunami people'?)

I watched a thing on TV by Darren Brown (extremely clever man, I want to raise his children) where he was fooling all these atheist people (namely stupid Americans) that he could turn them Christian with oen touch. And they fell for it. His point was showing how open we are to interpretation and such, and how people will so openly believe what they subconsciously want to whilst ignoring things which go against waht they want to believe. He didn't have any supernatural powers. It was good.

I don't know if 2 points can qualify as a 'list', but there they are.

FUTURAMA?! You guys are deluded. Futurama is just a second-rate Simpsons. It doesn't even come close. Although as far as cartoon characters go, the guy in it is pretty hott. mmm hottness. Anywho, I would like an example of where a Fturama joke is funnier than a Simpsons joke. The best Simpsons joke I've seen for a long time was the one where Apu's wife is pregnant and she asks him if he finds her attractive still, to which he replies "of course I do dear....... you're soft, silky and manageable"
"Are you reading that off a shampoo bottle?"
BAHAHAHAHA. It get's me every time.
And while we're on the topic of good jokes- this one got me through a whole 9 hour shift at work. Perhaps this shows my immaturity.

Why did the baker have brown hands?




He kneaded a poo.

It's funny for 3 reasons;
the double meaning of the word kneaded/needed (which is perhaps why its' funnier to hear rather than read), everyone knows bakers don't poo, and because the baker touched a poo. haha. joke's on him.

"You mentioned that life is about feeling as many things as you can. I used to think that, now I’m not sure what life is about. Sometimes I’m worried that there isn’t a point, other times everything seems filled with purpose."
Yeah, I have to agree that there isn't as such any real purpose of life. I don't believe that we were "put" here for any reason. We are just an accident. But since we're here and have the brain capacity to ponder such things, we may aswell experience everything we possibly can. Because other than that, there isn't really anything else to do is there? We could, like most people, carrying on with our mundane lives and not question anything, but these are the people who are at the top of my "to get" list for when I get a gun.

p.s. Sleep monsters start their rounds at 9pm. Naughty people are gotten first. ^_^

Ya, I posted this as a post rather than a comment because I didn't really have anything interesting to say....

In other news, I just watched this program on TV which I think was called "Women who leave Britain to live in Australia and consequently break up with their boyfriends whilst turning a leathery-orange colour at the same time." and it inspired me. I have decided I am going to spend my gap year in Australia planting trees or some shit and generally pretending to be a good person participating in selfless acts of environmental preservation but actually (hopefully) having a laugh.
I am (partly) joking of course. I do want to contribute to environmental causes, and I am a self-proclaimed tree hugger (sometimes) and I like nature. And my entire reason for taking a gap year, and stupidly not applying to uni this year "woo for top-up fees", is because I need to grow up and grow some balls, as it were. Not literally, of course. Boys smell.
So I guess sending me to the other side of the world where I will know no one and nowhere, should be a bit of a boot up the ass in the general direction of maturity.

My hard drive contraption type thing is making really loud 'whirring' type noises, is this normal?

Sing a happy happy happy happy song

A list of things I am happy about/thankful for:

For "you-know-who"
(I'm sure things will be added as my life progresses between now and when I can't be bothered to blog anymore)

1. I know the benefits of being a geek. This, I believe, is something that everybody should have a sound understanding of. Geeks are a laugh. Actually, I feel bad for labelling this type of personality "geek".. but I can't think of a better word, so we shall stick with it for now. Yes, geeks are fun. This is because when you have a joke with a geek, it's funny on so many levels. An example of this is being in my physics class. We have jokes, and they're funny because they're humorous, intelligent, and most of all we laugh at ourselves just for the sheer fact we're sitting in a physics class out of choice. An example of this type of humour is The Simpsons. The Simpsons is a good example because it has 2 types of jokes: the kids jokes and the 'adults' jokes (I'm not sure where the apostrophe goes in that possession) (I also don't know how to spell apostrophe) (or possession) Anyway, yes the adults jokes are funny on a political and social level, yet they are often covered up by a superficial joke which the kids laugh at. Geeky jokes are just like this. Today, for example, the superficial joke in class was thanks to a section called "Instability of excited states". I'd love to give you an example of an intellectually funny joke, but I often don't get them. But let me assure you that when I do get them, they're more funny that the former kind.

2. Everyday before I go to work, bearing in mind I only work 1 or 2 days a week (I'm a student, not a bum..), I visit Tesco's to get some lunch/breakfast, and every time I go in, there's an uber hott guy working in there. Last week he was checking me out. This makes me happy.

3. "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." In reflection, this is true- however hard to believe when your heart has just been ripped to pieces. I am very lucky at my tender age of not-too-many-years to have experienced more than one type of love. Although, as I become more mature and realise I will never grow taller than 5 foot 3, I'm beginning to question whether a certain encounter was actually love. I think I spent 3 years confusing love with depedence. But this is a positive post, so I shan't gloat on that. (You fucking cunt, you know who you are...) Love is a miraculous emotion, and if you even have a slight inkling of the true stuff then count yourself lucky, even if it doesn't last forever. Because from what I'm learning about this thing called life, is that it's about experiencing as many different things as you possibly can. Pain being one of them. A stupid emo boy once said to me "To find true love is to find true sadness". He was talking shit. Love doesn't have to hurt. Love isn't about being hurt, it's just one of the downsides of it. Like when you take a tablet for flu, being drowsy is one of the downsides, but at least the flu stmptoms are less prominent. Although it's extremely cliche, every experience you have will make you a stronger person inside and will prepare you for the ultimate shit that will eventually kill you.

/will be added to at a later date when sleep monsters are not dragging me away from my computer...

I can bleed as well as anyone, but I need someone to help me sleep

It occurred to me last night that I blog on most days. This must mean I'm on the internet everyday. It follows on that I'm a loser and I have no life. Sure, if I was doing something worthwhile it'd be excusable. But I'm not. I write half my blog, flick through some others (perhaps looking for a bit of inspiration), visit a forum that I post on... which I actually don't really post on anymore, I just read it (which is pointless really because it's full of shit), sign into MSN where I have a half decent "conversation" with someone about once every two weeks, write the rest of my blog and go to bed.
In conclusion, the internet is the most time-wasting pass time in the history of the Western world. Possibly moreso than masturbation.
I think that when I'm on my death bed, I will tot up all the wasted hours I've spent doing things I don't want/need to. And I approximate it'll add up to about 4 full years (that's assuming I don't die in the forseeable future, in which case it'll be about 6 months). Yet again, I have spent most of my day procrastinating and doing nothing worthwhile. This type of routine is bad for self-esteem.
This also raises the question of why I'm actually writing this. I'm sure as hell that nobody who happens to stumble across it actually cares. And am I actually gaining anything from it myself? Probably not. I suspect that it's because I'm subconsciously trying to justify spending a lot of time doing nothing by pretending that I will someone how gain emotional and spiritual benefits.
I'll let you know if I ever do.

Why is it that I feel comfortable typing a load of shit for people I don't know to read, yet I feel that people who I do actually know and trust (there are such people you know..) would somehow be put off if they were to read it. I'm hoping this isn't because I somehow lack the ability to be myself, or I have the dreaded, but extremely contagious, teenage-disease known as FPS (False Personality Syndrome, for those of you not in the know).

And just incase you're wondering what the post title is about (like you even noticed) I think I'm developing some sort of sleeping disorder. 10 hours of extremely poor quality sleep a night = me feeling shitty most of the time. Of course, I don't actually need someone to help me sleep, I need something. Namely in the form of a sleeping tablet or the like. Although someone would be nice, too. On my list of favourite things I think that being held by someone I care about (preferably a male.. with an ellegantly toned physique) whilst I sleep would be somewhere very close to the top.

I will leave you with this thought/random lyric:
"When everybody loves you, you're just about as funky as you can be"

blahhhh

I just watched the film Bend it like Beckham and I've decided I'm going to marry Jonathan Rhys Meyers and have his children. Because they will be pretty.
And yeah, I'm that shallow.

Mmm I think I'll stay up and play Tomb Raider "The Last Revelation" until the early hours of the morning instead of revising mechanics for my physics exam which is in... 9 days.

Bollocks.

Don't make me mad, fool

Last night I was flicking through some random blogs and came across this http://right-or-wrong.blogspot.com/2005/01/planning-ruins-english-towns.html#comments post. And it pissed me right off. It's people like that which really... fuck me off. I can't put it any other way. They just fuck me off. People are forever complaining about the government and how they fail to do anything with 100% accuracy. What the hell do you expect? There's never going to be "enough" money for education, hospitals and the like. And even if there was you'd still find some other bullshit to complain about- like the fact that you're not lulled to sleep in your hospital bed by Cliff fucking Richard.
Britain is one of the wealthiest places to live (even if you do happen to live up North) and has one of the highest qualities of living in the world. Yet countless amounts of people still spend the majority of their time complaining that it isn't good enough. They want lower taxes, yet they want a better health system. What do I say to you people? Fuck off.
Particularly at a time when something incredibly more important is going on. For those of you that have been living in a box for the last week, there was an incredibly devastating natural disaster. Over 100,000 people have already died and no doubt the end death toll will reach near to quater of a million. It's going to take a whole generation to rebuild what has been destroyed. You really have no idea how lucky you are.
Another reason I'm so mad is because we have this "thing" at work (usually only at Christmas, but it's been extended due to said disaster) where we ask all of our customers to round up their subtotal to the next whole pound and the extra money (which is usually only about 5 pence) goes to unicef charity. You'd be incredibly suprised at the amount of people that say 'no'. And considering that 95% of our cutomers are upper-middle-classed ponses, I can't believe it. My favourite excuse I get is "Oh, no I've already given some money for that". So? Does that mean you can't afford another 10 pence?

For anybody who is reading this, and hasn't already given a donation to the tsunami disaster fund. Please do.
http://www.dec.org.uk/
If you were in the same position, wouldn't it be comforting to think that a stranger, thousands of miles away, cared enough to save your life?

I'm never half full

I'm starting to feel jealous of him in his world of broken plastic hearts.
I know it's all cliche, and none of it is real. But I miss the intense feelings. I miss feeling incredibly low, because it's the only time I ever felt alive. I don't know what it feels like to be extatically happy. The only time I know I'm capable of feeling extreme emotions is when I feel ripped apart.

Annie Waits

I really thought I was out of my pubescent I-dont-know-who-I-am-phase, but apparently I'm not. Recently I've been finding myself comparing myself to others a lot, and I always end up wishing I was a little bit more like someone else- a little skinnier, a bit more trendy, a bit more confident and flirty. But the thing is, I'm only ever wishing for the superficial qualities, and it's kind of disturbing. I want to have the little bits of everyone that makes them wanted. It takes no in-depth psycho analysis to realise that I feel like this because I don't feel particularly wanted at the moment by anyone. Actually, that isn't true- I do have some very good friends that I know love me for who I am (faults and all), but I'm yerning to be someones everything- someone's ideal. Give me someones mind to consume.
The fact that I'm feeling like this makes me feel pathetic- it's pathetic that I constantly need someone in my life to fill this void. And if there happens to be no one in my life to fit this despcription then I'm falling distantly in love with someone I don't know well enough to realise that they're anything like this.

I've been picking my gums again today. All 4 of my wisdom teeth are coming through at the same time. Is that a sign? A sign, I'm incredibly wise, or that the teething Gods are punishing me for not brushing my teeth between the ages of 8 and 10.