out of nothing

Why does life feel like a roundabout, why am I feeling the same way I have so many times before?
I fall for people far too easily. And I think my problem is that I have trouble coming to terms with the inconsistency of people in life. I never considered myself to be a people-person, but it's the lack of nearness from people I care about that hurts the most. I think I'm at a place where all those horrible cliche saying are starting to mean something. Perhaps ignorance is indeed bliss.
I've convinced myself that I'd feel better if I believe it was something that meant different things to both of us- he needed someone at that time, and I was there, but never what he wanted.. I was just.. well, being me, and falling for people too easily. But this realisation makes me sad. I don't want to think it.

Randomly, an extract of a self-consumed email I wrote to someone recently:

"I think irony is defining who I am right now. There are so many things that are contradicting me. I could make a list, but it would make no sense at all. You're right in that I'm possibly more confused right now than most of before, yet I find comfort in confusion somehow, if it all made sense I think it would make life less interesting. You're disturbingly right in that I have no balance between happiness in me and adapting to people around me. So many times have I found myself close to people that I start to lose myself. And I think this is a bad thing. To quote the Duritz:
"Waiting here for you
Wanting to tell you
How I get my ends and my beginnings mixed up too
Just the way you do
Thought if I told you
You might want to stay for just another day or two""

Reading over things I've written to different people, I realise that I'm incredibly sort of... clingy and impressionable. And so 17. I am regressing in my years, I'm sure I was never this naive or unsure of myself a year or two ago. Even writing this, I feel like kicking myself and saying 'what the fuck is wrong with you! grow the hell up and stop being such an awkward tool'.