It's a lifetime commitment

It was yet another uneventful Christmas. The type where even though you drink a lot, it has no effect because you're so bored. And I think this year was the first year where I had absolutely no excitement about Christmas at all. I guess that means I'm officially grown up. What a poo. I don't ever want to grow up. I know that to an extent "growing up" is completely optional, and its easy to stay young at heart even if your body is slowly decaying... but it's impossible to keep hold of that magic you have when you're younger. To see the whole world is such a naieve, optimistic way. It makes me sad to think that I've lost that ability, and it's pretty much going to be downhill from here on in. Society corrupts everybody. If I had it my way I'd live in a tent in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but my Ben Folds Five CD collection and a few Bill Bryson books.
A girl can dream...

Last night, I decided (for some massively stupid reason) that it would be a good idea to send a text message to the ex boyfriend of 3 years. This was for 2 reasons really; I always miss him on days like that (cliche, huh?) and I thought for a split second that maybe he'd grown up a bit and we could possibly salvage something from our best-friends-turned-messed-up-relationship type situation. How wrong I was! It annoys the hell out of me that it always comes down to one thing. And it wouldn't take more than 3 guesses to get there. We haven't spoken for about 3 months (I just noticed all the 3's in this paragraph haha), and he's as twat-ish as ever. Then I woke up to a message this morning that just said "i wana f*** you". Charming.
He's such a loser, I can't believe that I was ever with him for that long. Maybe if I'd been sensible enough to get out of it earlier I'd be a happy bunny. But everybody has to have one crappy relationship in their life don't they, it makes us appreciate the good ones more. I just never thought I'd ever be with someone simply for the fact that I needed them. Because that's all it ever really was. I needed him more than I ever loved him. Yay for being pathetic and dependent.

I'm yet to do any studying, which I'm not suprised at. But on the upside, I'm down to one job as of the new year. My wonderfully kind boss made me realise I was being silly trying to take 3 A levels aswell as working nearly 30 hours a week, so she 'let me go'... no, I wasnt sacked, and she ddi say I'm welcome to go back "if circumstances change" and I need another job. She is lovely :) Having the money was nice... oh well. Mum is counting on me, the only one of me and my siblings to go to uni.

I wonder, in the Counting Crows song, what does he mean by "Recovering the Sattelites"? It's been bugging me for a while, so if anoyone is reading this and they have deciphered it, please let me know.
I've decided that songs where you have to interpret the meaning yourself are the best kind. Even if you don't get it right all of the time.